Meet Me at the Bonefire
by Nanenna
Summary: Sometimes you just want to watch your OTP meet and fall in love over and over and over again. A collection of oneshots of Sans and Grillby meeting for the first time.
1. The Missing Date

Person A's been sitting there for a while waiting for a date that never showed when Person B sits down and offers to be their date instead.  
The idea that started it all! Inspired by a Kustard fic I can't find anymore, but it was really cute and had way too many puns. Far more than I can do.  
Fun fact: I used my own phone's actual predictive text for that one sentence. It was amazing and I love it!

* * *

Sitting all alone at booth in the corner of a quiet, homey pub, Sans pulled out his phone and checked the time. Half an hour since he was supposed to meet the blind date his brother had set up for him, and that wasn't even including the extra ten minutes early Papyrus had forced him to be! Sans wondered if half an hour was long enough or if he'd have to wait longer before Papyrus let him give up on a date that was never going to show. Not if Sans had any say in the matter. Phone still in hand, Sans opened up the most recent messages and started typing.

*no1s shown up yet bro u sure u got the rite date and tiem?

YES, I'M SURE. VERY SURE! AND THEY STILL HAVEN'T SHOWN UP?

*nope juts sittin here all a lone

YOU'RE AT THE HAWKINS PUB AND KARAOKE, CORRECT?  
I CHOSE IT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D LIKE THEIR AWFUL FOOD.  
AND IT'S STAND UP NIGHT.

*yeah, sure, the hawk pub bar plaec  
*been sittin heer 4 45min now

BECAUSE I JUST TEXTED YOUR DATE AND THEY SAY THEY ARE THERE AND DON'T SEE YOU.

*huh. tel em 2 look round a little may b we jus missed eschother  
*i akm p short may be they thot i'd be tol like u  
*or missed me in the cloud  
*crowed  
*drown  
*crowd  
*damn autocorrect

SANS I KNOW YOU HAVE AUTOCORRECT TURNED OFF.  
JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE.  
UNLESS WHERE YOU ARE IS HIDING OUT OF SIGHT, IN WHICH CASE YOU HAD BETTER GET OUT WHERE YOU CAN BE SEEN. AND THEN STAY THERE SO YOUR DATE CAN FIND YOU.

*taht hurts bro. i'm siting a table like a gown up

GOOD, THEN STAY THERE.

Sans waited, but no new texts appeared. Seems Papyrus was coordinating with the blind date to make sure they found him. Good luck with that. Sans tucked his phone back into his pocket and rested his skull on his hand, he heaved a sigh and drummed the fingers of his free hand against the table. He'd probably have to ride out the full hour before Papyrus would allow him to call the whole thing a bust and go home.

"Looks like someone's going to be in the dog house tonight."

"huh?" Sans looked up to see a fire elemental sliding into the seat across from him. He sat back and looked the guy up and down.

"I was sitting at the bar and couldn't help but notice you've been sitting here all alone for quite a while."

"heh," Sans shrugged and slouched comfortably into his seat. A little conversation wasn't a bad way to waste the last twenty minutes before his brother would let him leave. " _blind_ date's nowhere in _sight_. but you _see_ i'm not all that disappointed, can't say _eye_ was _look_ ing forward to it."

The fire elemental snorted, and Sans couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "Those were all awful, I don't think that last one even counted as a pun." The crack across his face looked too much like a smile for Sans to take the comment seriously.

"the name's sans," he held a hand out to his new friend.

"Grillby," he reached out to take the offered hand. The long, drawn out, wet sound of a fart started to play, but Grillby's hand flared and the sound suddenly cut off.

Sans pulled his hand back to look at the melted piece of rubber hanging limply from it. "no need to get so _fired_ up, it was just a little _spark_ of a joke."

"I regret taking pity on you already."

Sans's grin only spread wider, if the guy really regretted it he'd have gotten up and left. He must have a _dry_ sense of humor. Sans leaned on his elbow as he turned that grin on his new blind date. "so we know why i'm here, what's your story hot stuff?"

"I own a bar and grill on the other side of town, sometimes I like to go visit the competition and check them out."

"i see, a little corporate espionage."

"Nothing like that," Grillby shook his head and held up his hands as if afraid someone really would accuse him of that. "I just like to see what they offer, compare prices, see what the atmosphere's like. It's important to keep up with the competition."

"nah, i get it, that's pretty cool. say, been to a place called hawkins? this side of downtown?"

Grillby grimaced, "Once or twice. Their drinks are overpriced and the karaoke always gives it a… an uncomfortable atmosphere. At least I don't find it that comfortable, too noisy and distracting."

"yeah, all that off key singing. though i hear tonight it's stand up."

"Why go there when I can hear all the bad jokes I want right here?"

Sans gasped and clutched a hand to his ribs in mock offense, "i'll have you know those were my best awful puns!"

Grillby chuckled, "Surely not your best, you can do way worse than that."

Sans thought his face was going to split in half from the grin spread across it. "alright, alright… gimme a second. my worst jokes? let's see…" Sans hemmed and hawwed for a minute as he thought up a few jokes. "okay, got 'em. is this a blind date? if not, it will be because i'm staring at the sun. do you have 11 protons? because you're sodium fine. are you an omelet? because you're making me _egg_ cited. is that a mirror in your pocket? 'cause i can see myself in your pants. your face…" Sans paused for effect but never finished the joke because Grillby was sprawled over his side of the table, laughing uncontrollably.

"Are you finally ready to order?"

Sans looked up at the waitress who was smiling down at them, though the strain at the corners of her lips meant she was trying very hard to hold back a wide grin. Not that she needed to, Sans's was wide enough for both of them.

"nah, i think he needs a minute to calm down first."

"Sure thing, I'll be back to check on you shortly."

Sans nodded to let the waitress know he heard her, then went back to watching Grillby slowly calm down. Once he gathered himself together, Grillby sat up and self consciously straightened out his shirt.

"infinite universes, eight planets, one sun-" Sans started.

"Wait," Grillby interrupted, "aren't you going to finish the joke you were about to tell?"

"and not finish this one either?"

"My apologies," Grillby leaned forward with a smile like a glowing crack in hot magma across his face, "please continue."

"one sun, seven billion people, and i get lucky enough to meet you."

"That was surprisingly sweet."

"oh, was it? heh…" Sans nervously scratched the back of his skull. Before he could say anything else his phone buzzed and let out a jaunty little jingle. "oh, sorry, that's my bro's ringtone, i should probably get that." Sans sheepishly pulled his phone out to see that Papyrus had sent him more texts.

WELL, IT'S BEEN AN HOUR SINCE YOUR DATE WAS SUPPOSED TO START.  
I SUPPOSE YOU ARE FREE TO GO, YOU HAVE BEEN MORE PATIENT THAN I EVER EXPECTED YOU TO BE.  
THOUGH YOU MAY HAVE JUST BEEN TOO LAZY TO GET UP.  
SIGH. IF WE ARE REALLY, REALLY LUCKY YOU'LL BUMP INTO EACH OTHER ON THE WAY OUT. I REALLY THINK YOU'D LIKE THEM, SANS.

*thats sweet bro but eye cant leav now, wat wud my date think?

WHAT DATE? THEY JUST SENT ME A TEXT SAYING THEY'RE LEAVING?

*well some1s sitting w/me  
*name's grillby, he seems rly nice  
*laffed all my jokes s fur  
*were halving a bowl

YOU'RE BOWLING? SANS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE AT THE HAWKINS PUB AND KARAOKE!

*sry, ment ball  
*dam autocorrect

SANS WE BOTH KNOW YOU PURPOSEFULLY TURNED THE AUTOCORRECT OFF.

*well let me jus trn that n the prdictiv text bak on  
*There, I have a few questions about the stood up and rolls and a half the time I don't have to be there at least the first time.

WAIT, STOP! THIS IS AWFUL? AND SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE? ? ?  
ALSO I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS DATE YOU ARE ON? ? ? ? ? WHO IS THIS GRILLBY?

*i won't fnd out til eye sit n talk w/ him  
*get 2 no him  
*isnt that wat dates r 4?

FINE, BUT I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GET HOME!

*sure thing bro. luv ya


	2. Howl at the Moon

I picked up what I thought was a stray on the side of the road last night and it turns out you're a werewolf. Um. Can I offer you some pancakes?

* * *

Grillby yawned and stretched as he left his room. He idly wondered what he was going to do with the bone thing… monster… creature… dog. He was just going to call it a dog. He idly wondered what he was going to do with the bone dog he had found on the side of the road while driving home at three thirty in the damned morning. Stars above, he loved owning his own business but sometimes the hours just got to him. Anyway, the dog he had found, he should be focusing on that. He should probably take it to a place… the place for homeless animals… what was it called again? Shelter! They could… they could… damn he needed some coffee. Grillby yawned again, then looked around himself. He was in the living room, but the kitchen was further down the hall. The kitchen was where coffee lived. Why was he..?

There was a bony… something sticking out from between two pieces of furniture. Ah, right. Okay. _There_ the dog was, still asleep from what he could tell. It was tucked out of sight next to the… long chair. Something about the… foot? that was sticking out seemed wrong somehow, but Grillby would worry about that after coffee. Yes, he'd get some coffee and make something to eat and then he'd worry about the dog. It seemed fine where it was for now.

Fifteen minutes later, most of the way through his first cup of coffee and the rest of breakfast sizzling merrily away on the stove, he heard the faint tapping of what he assumed was bone on tile. The smell of pancakes and bacon must have roused the stray dog. He turned around to greet the dog, a piece of bacon already in his hand.

A skeleton monster was standing just inside the kitchen doorway, eye (sockets?) half lidded as they looked around in confusion. Grillby turned back to the stove long enough to turn the heat off, then turned back around. Yup, that was definitely a skeleton monster. A _naked_ skeleton monster. He felt his mouth flap uselessly as he tried to talk.

"oh thank god, coffee." The skeleton picked up Grillby's half empty mug and downed the rest in one go. Grillby could only stare in shock. "oh hey, is that bacon?" The skeleton took the bacon from Grillby and shoved it into their teeth without opening their mouth at all, then they wandered over to the coffee maker to refill the mug. "you okay there, pal? you're looking a little hot under the collar."

"… N-n-naked!" Grillby finally managed to stutter out.

The skeleton looked down, "huh, guess so." They lifted a foot before setting it gingerly back down, then started inspecting the hand that wasn't holding the coffee mug. Grillby looked away in embarrassment as the skeleton sat down at the table. There was a deep laugh, "what're you so flustered for? they're just bones." Grillby felt his flames grow hotter; he must be an embarrassing shade of yellow by now. "'sides, you're not really one to talk about being dressed right now."

Grillby looked down, he was wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants so old the elastic around the waist had basically given up the ghost. But they were comfortable and he only wore them to bed anymore so it didn't matter if they tended to slip down his narrow hips. Until he had an unexpected house guest. Grillby turned his back fully on the skeleton and pulled his pants back up. Better, but not enough.

Grillby walked over to the pantry and yanked the door open. He kept his aprons in there, a common gift from friends and family, so he grabbed the first two in reach and turned back around. The skeleton was picking something out of their feet, dead leaves and pebbles form the look of it. Grillby frowned. He threw the first apron into the skeleton's lap, then marched over to the sink and pulled a small trash can out from under it, which he pointedly put in front of the skeleton. Then he put the other apron on before standing back and crossing his arms over his chest.

The skeleton shrugged and just started dropping the debris stuck between their bones into the trash rather than dropping it all over Grillby's kitchen floor. After the silence grew uncomfortable the skeleton looked up to find Grillby still staring them down. "oh, did you want me to put this on?"

Grillby nodded.

The skeleton pulled the neck loop over their head, then tied a rather sloppy bow behind them, all without bothering to get up. They took another swig of coffee, then went back to picking out debris. Grillby sighed, it was too early in the morning for this. He decided to go back to making breakfast, the rest could wait until he got something to eat. And some more coffee.

It took some time and a quick raid of the cupboards and fridge for more pancake ingredients, but breakfast was finally ready. Grillby plopped a plate in front of his unexpected house guest along with a bottle of syrup, then another plate and mug of coffee for himself in front of an empty seat.

"oh sweet, pancakes. thanks." The skeleton poured a very, very generous amount of syrup over their pancakes, then started shoveling food into their… teeth like they hadn't eaten in weeks. Grillby cleared his throat, the skeleton looked up but didn't stop shoveling.

"… My name is Grillby."

"sans," the skeleton said around a mouthful of food. Grillby wasn't sure how that was even possible; monster food evaporated the moment you ate it. Either way, the skeleton- **Sans** held a hand out to Grillby. He reached out to shake it. The hand was sticky and covered in dirt and grass stains, on instinct Grillby stoked his flames to get the mess off him and ended up immolating Sans's hand in the process. They didn't even flinch.

They both went back to eating after that, Grillby unsure what to even do or say at this point. He had so many questions. So, so many questions.

"you often pick up large, wild beasts in the woods?"

"… You were on the side of the road. And seemed happy to see someone." Grillby paused in thought for a moment before continuing, "I thought you were a someone's lost pet, or a stray dog."

Sans laughed at that. "a stray dog?!"

"… A very large breed of dog."

"i'll say, how'd you even get me here?"

"… Wasn't that hard. I nearly hit you on the way home," Grillby paused when Sans laughed at that, he was surprised the other monster wasn't reacting more negatively to that. "… so I pulled over and got out to see what had just happened. You came trotting up with a wagging tail, I opened the back door, and you just hopped in."

"ready for a car ride," Sans laughed again. "i remember none of this, but i believe it."

Grillby simply nodded, then drank some more coffee. He wasn't used to talking so much in one go. There was another moment of silence as Sans continued to shovel bacon and pancakes into their mouth. Stars above, their hands were absolutely filthy, why didn't they wash them before eating? Or was it Grillby's fault for putting food in front of them while they were still picking debris from their feet? Debris from running through the woods as a dog… wolf… beast thing?!

"i honestly thought you'd have more questions for me, you usually this quiet?"

"… Werewolf," Grillby blurted out.

"i… was not expecting that." Sans blinked up at Grillby before turning their attention back to sopping up syrup with their last bite of pancake. "like that thing from human myths?"

Grillby nodded.

"if you mean am i a werewolf… yeah sure. why not. suppose that's the easiest way to describe it. aside from, you know, not being human, not turning into a wolf, and it having nothing to do with full moons. but sure, werewolf."

"… Shape shifting, memory loss, and… involuntary?"

"yeah, okay, you have a point there. don't have any control over when or if it happens and i don't have any control over what i do when i'm like that and to top it all off my memory is spotty at best. mostly just impressions and feelings and stuff. s'why i was out in the woods, safer to be away from people when all that's going on. wonder why i was on the road, first time that's ever happened… that i know of anyway."

Grillby nodded along as he slowly worked his way through his own plate, content to listen to the skeleton werewolf ramble on. He tried not to flinch when Sans picked up their plate and started licking it clean.

"usually my bro keeps me from wandering off like that. speaking of, mind if i borrow your phone? my bro's probably worrying pretty hard and i wanna let him know i'm okay."

Grillby nodded to the landline hanging on the wall next to the kitchen door. Sans got up and sauntered over to the phone, unintentionally giving Grillby a vivid view of his backside. Grillby felt his core grow hotter as he looked down and tried to focus solely on finishing up his breakfast.

"YOU HAVE REACHED THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?"

Grillby looked up at that, the voice was tinny and distant but still carried clearly across the kitchen. Sans was slouched against the wall, phone held so the mouthpiece was next to their teeth while the earpiece was angled as far away from their face as possible.

"hey bro, how ya doing?"

There was a pause as they both waited for the brother's response. "SANS! ! ! WHERE ARE YOU?! I WAS WORRIED! YOU DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT! I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP BY ANIMAL CONTROL. AGAIN! ! ! !" Grillby knew the landline didn't have a speakerphone option, but that still sounded like what was going on.

"so uh… seems i wanted to go for a car ride last night and uh… ended up waking up in a stranger's house?"

"SANS! ! ! ! ! !" Grillby and Sans both flinched at the volume on that one. There was a sigh from the phone, "BROTHER, ARE YOU OKAY?"

"yeah, i'm fine. he even fed me."

"WOULD THAT BE WHY YOU HOPPED IN A STRANGER'S CAR? BECAUSE HE HAD FOOD?"

"i do vaguely recall smelling something really good… deep fried maybe?"

"… I own a bar and grill," Grillby supplied.

"he owns a restaurant."

"…" Somehow Grillby could hear Papyrus's silent disappointment through the phone. "BROTHER, YOU AND I WILL HAVE TO HAVE A LONG TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN YOU GET HOME. WHERE ARE YOU ANYWAY? SHOULD I COME PICK YOU UP?"

"nah, don't worry about it. i know a shortcut."

"OF COURSE. SO WHEN WILL YOU BE HOME?"

"soon… ish? i guess? still gotta talk some things over with grillby, he's the guy who picks up giant 'dogs' he finds on the side of the road. i'll tell you the whole story when i get home, 'kay?"

There was another loud sigh from the phone, "ALRIGHT SANS, WE'LL TALK WHEN YOU GET HOME."

"love ya, bro."

"AND I LOVE YOU TOO."

Sans hung up the phone, then sauntered back to his seat. "so, any chance i can convince you to gimme seconds?"

Grillby motioned to the stove, where a stack of pancakes and a few pieces of bacon were left. Sans just grabbed both plates and set them down in front of his seat. He slathered everything in more syrup. Grillby just focused on eating his meal. So many questions, he wasn't sure which to ask first. "… Is your brother a werewolf too?"

"yup, runs in the family."

Grillby nodded, then let silence fall between them. He wasn't sure if he should ask any more questions, anything more personal would likely be rude. It wasn't fair to expect Sans to answer a bunch of invasive questions just to appease the curiosity of a stranger.

Sans pushed his now empty plate back and let out an impressive belch. "thanks for breakfast, it was really good." He stood up then, "well, i guess i should get going, you probably have a lot to do, what with running your own business and all. probably totally behind on that, so i'll just get going."

Grillby quirked a brow, "… In just an apron?"

"oh right, i should give this back, huh?"

Grillby held up a hand to stop Sans from reaching for the ties behind him. "… Should you really go wandering out there completely naked?"

"it's fine, i know a shortcut." Grillby was starting to wonder what that was really code for, the way his brother completely backed off when he said that… "besides," Sans continued, breaking Grillby out of his train of thought, "you've done enough for me already. and if you're offering to let me borrow your clothes i doubt they'd fit."

"… If I hadn't picked you up then you'd have made it safely home."

Sans looked away and ran a hand over his skull, "i mean, i guess you could put it that way." His shoulders sagged as he gave in, "aside from the _one time_ animal control picked me up i've always made it back home just fine, usually just follow paps." Sans shrugged.

Grillby nodded, "… I'm sure something will fit well enough to get you home, even if it's a bit loose."

"you're just trying to get me into your drawers, aren'tcha? not to mention i'd have to come back and return them at some point." Sans winked at Grillby, "i getcha."

Grillby felt his flames flicker and let off sparks. Sans's only response was to laugh.


	3. Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Person A needs a bodyguard and ends up with Person B: the shrimpiest, weakest looking one. Person A is disappointed.  
This one was suggested by Stark Unreality and the story kind of spun out of control and should be much longer. Not near as much flirting and romance in this one, but it was still too fun to write.

Warnings for: foul language, minor violence, and bigotry.

* * *

"… and of course the flight and accommodations for your stay will all be paid for by the company." Asgore shuffled some papers and cleared his throat. "As for the itinerary, here are your tickets as well as all the flight details." Asgore handed several papers over. "Your bodyguard will be waiting for you at the arrival gate." Asgore held out more papers.

Grillby couldn't help the surprised crackle from his flames, "… Bodyguard?"

"Yes, naturally. You are going to a human country, specifically one with a lot of political unrest at the moment. I would not dream of sending you to such a dangerous area without some form of protection."

Grillby couldn't help bristling at that, he may not be the most practiced at fighting but as a fire elemental he was powerful and naturally a danger to physical beings like humans. Asgore was still holding out papers for him to take, which Grillby did with a sigh. He looked them over briefly, there was a picture of a grinning monster attached to what appeared to be a profile.

Asgore folded his hands together after Grillby accepted the offered papers. "I made sure to do a lot of research before hiring him. The organization he is employed by comes highly recommended, and they assured me he is their best operative."

"… I still don't see why this is necessary."

"If we are very lucky, my friend, this will not be necessary." Asgore's face turned somber with those words. Grillby just nodded and tucked the profile in with his flight information. A grin spread across Asgore's face, "Thank you. Now, I am quite sure you will like the hotel I have arranged for you to stay at. The city is in a desert..."

* * *

Grillby walked through the arrivals gate. As expected of a people so silly as to live in an environment so outside their comfort zone, the AC was going full blast. Cold drafts kept blowing his flames this way and that, it took all of his willpower not to stoke his flames to combat the uncomfortable chill. Just as Asgore said, his bodyguard was waiting for him just outside the gate.

He was… short. Much shorter than Grillby had been expecting, the only photo was a mugshot after all. The short monster came up to maybe Grillby's chest, it was hard to tell with how much he was slouching. He was wearing a suit, as expected of someone in his line of work. A rumpled, wrinkled, ill-fitting suit. He was holding up a torn piece of cardboard with "Grillby" written sloppily on it in blue marker. Grillby sighed, then walked up to the monster.

"… Hello."

"hey, grillby, right? you look just like your picture." Rather than respond, Grillby stood there and looked down at the unimpressive monster. _This_ was supposed to be the person guarding his life? The bodyguard held out a hand, "the name's sans, sans the skeleton."

Reluctantly Grillby took the hand and gave it one shake before letting it go and walking away. Surprisingly the shorter monster managed to keep up despite his relaxed, shuffling walk. He tossed aside the cardboard sign, which landed against the side of a trashcan. Grillby held back a sigh of disgust; that was both rude and unprofessional.

"so, where we headed, boss?" Grillby just kept walking, the bodyguard should have gotten the exact same itinerary he had. "not much for talking, are ya? i understand, i'm just a meat shield after all. not that a… heh, i got a lot of meat on these bones."

Grillby couldn't suppress the groan, that pun was awful. Judging from the way the bodyguard was looking up at him that was the exact reaction he wanted, great. And was he… yes. He had his hands shoved into his coat pockets. How unprofessional. Not that it mattered, they were unlikely to be attacked, who would target Grillby anyway? Perhaps the bodyguard organization this unimpressive specimen was hired through lied about what a great bodyguard he was because they knew this was a low risk assignment. Either way, Grillby was going to do his best to ignore this whole situation, and if the bodyguard had any amount of professionalism he would shut up and do his job.

Grillby glanced down to get a better look at the bodyguard now that the sign wasn't hiding most of his body. There were wrinkles over every inch of his suit, Grillby's fingers twitched with the desire to "steam" them all out, but he was sure they'd all be back moments later. The suit wasn't just wrinkled, it looked ill fitting, and there was a pair of sunglasses in his shirt pocket too. Huh, that's right, most bodyguards wear sunglasses for some reason. Why wasn't this one? He had them after all. Though a lack of ears and nose to place them on might answer that question.

Soon enough they were stepping out of the airport and into the glorious heat. They both took a moment to stop and soak it up while the humans hurrying past all groaned and complained. He almost regretted hailing a taxi, as the pair slipped into the back seat Grillby scowled at the cold air blasting them from all angles. Even worse, as he gave the address to the hotel he was staying at the bodyguard slumped down in the seat and _dozed off_!

Just one week, Grillby reminded himself. Just one week, go to this conference, schmooze for all he was worth, then go home and never think about this pathetic bodyguard ever again.

* * *

The bodyguard was leaning against a wall as if he were the only thing holding it up. Granted, it was the other way around, and Grillby knew he wasn't in any danger and his bodyguard was just wasting time until the conference was over, but he couldn't help feeling offended at just how obvious the bodyguard was being. Slumped up against the wall, hands shoved deep into his pockets, eye sockets half lidded… he was the picture of half asleep nonchalance. A look at the crowd around him was enough to see several other monsters also mingling, and about half of them also had bodyguards near them. Bodyguards who actually bothered to be doing their job. Deep breaths, just ignore him, Grillby had better things to worry about.

The next time Grillby glanced the bodyguard's way he had moved. It took Grillby a moment to find him, he had moved down the wall and was now leaning against it only a couple yards away. Grillby himself had moved, so he supposed it wasn't too weird his bodyguard had moved too, no matter how inattentive he was being. Grillby just found it odd he was in the exact same pose as before. Well, at least he was pretending to do his job. Grillby turned back to the other attendees he was talking with.

When he was queuing up to attend a presentation a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Grillby turned his head to find the bodyguard standing just behind his elbow. Grillby nearly had a heart attack, instead he felt an embarrassing full body flinch from the surprise. He hadn't seen the other move at all, hadn't heard him either. Had he teleported or something?

"you doing okay there, boss?"

Grillby nodded as he tried to slow his breathing and calm his flames, the humans nearby all giving him a wide berth. Grillby was starting to reconsider just how useless Sans was, he could be stealthy if nothing else. All the reconsidering went right out the window when the bodyguard flopped into the seat next to him and immediately dozed off. Grillby huffed, but decided to go back to ignoring the other in favor of actually paying attention and taking notes.

Grillby felt a wave of vertigo and heard a loud sound, the next thing he knew he was on the ground between the chair he had just been sitting in and the next row. There were a lot of people screaming around him. The bodyguard was leaning over him, pushing him down; Grillby thought he heard him say something but couldn't hear what over the screams and more of that loud sound.

A gunshot. Oh god, it was a gunshot! Was Grillby hit? He didn't feel any pain, but he wasn't entirely sure what was going on right now. The bodyguard- **Sans** was leaning closer, their faces were almost touching. He was saying something, Grillby was certain of it, but he couldn't make out the words for some reason. Sans wasn't looking at him though, he was looking away at something else. There was someone else talking too, but it was more distant and just as incomprehensible.

Sans was facing Grillby now, his brows scrunched in concern. He was gently shaking Grillby's shoulder. There was another gunshot, Grillby flinched but Sans remained steady.

"grillby, i need you to focus on me. just breathe, yeah. that's right, deep breaths, can you hear me now?"

Despite how soft his voice was, Grillby could understand him now. He nodded frantically.

"good, i need you to stay low and stay close, the first order of business is to get you out of here."

"… C-can't you just… t-t-teleport us?" Isn't that what Sans had been doing earlier when he randomly moved?

"no? ? ? ?" Sans gave Grillby the oddest look and it took all of Grillby's self control to keep the giggles bubbling up in his throat from escaping. "what makes you think i could do something like that? sure wish i could though, it'd make my job a cake walk."

A few giggles did escape, Grillby had to clamp a hand over his mouth.

"c'mon, i'm here to protect you, alright? so just stay low and stick with me and you'll get out of this just fine. i promise, okay?"

Grillby nodded, then shifted so he could crawl on his hands and knees. Sans kept an arm over his shoulder as he crouch-walked them over to the end of the row. There was an open aisle between them and more chairs, then another open aisle between those and the wall. There were several people huddled fearfully in the row, it would be impossible to get through it without climbing over them.

"just had to pick the very middle of the room," Sans grumbled as he carefully peeked out from their chairs. He continued to look around, scanning the room as Grillby scooted as close as possible. Sans sighed, "change of plans. i need you to stay out of sight while i take down the gunmen."

"… what."

"i dunno if you been listening, but this ain't no hostage situation. so stay here, try to keep your flames low, maybe try to tuck under the seats like this guy." Sans motioned to the chair they were next to, Grillby hadn't noticed the human curled up in a tight ball under the chair next to them. "just try not to attract any attention, okay?" Before Grillby could respond Sans was already moving away. He backtracked to about the middle of the aisle, then easily slipped under a chair and out of sight. Grillby crawled closer and tried to see where Sans went, but a moment later he could just barely make out the top of his skull several rows back.

"hey assholes, you want to kill all monsters? how 'bout starting with this one?"

Is that what the shooters had been saying? Grillby couldn't recall, and quite frankly he wasn't sure he wanted to. To Grillby's horror there were several gunshots, but Sans seemed to slide out of the way. He lifted an arm. There was a brief scream followed by a thump, then another and another as Sans's arm jerked this way and that.

"You fucking monster!" An angry voice yelled.

"i take that as a compliment!" Sans's arm kept moving, followed by more thumps and the sound of someone groaning. At the same time several large animal skulls blinked into existence and opened their gaping maws, light was gathering inside them along with the telltale whine of something powerful charging up. There were more gunshots as the skulls charged, one must have been hit because it vanished like a spent monster bullet, but Sans just slid impossibly to the side again. Then the skulls fired, an ear shattering, blindingly bright blast that left the auditorium reeking of ozone and spent magic. "just in case you neanderthals don't know: blue means stop. so, so long as you don't move those bullets won't hurt you. and trust me, you can't afford to take any more damage, so why don't you be good little children and just stay put while we wait for the cops?"

"man, fu-"

"whoops, looks like you've got a blue attack right in your mouth, better not try saying any more shit." Silence fell after that, silence from Sans and the attackers anyway. Grillby had forgotten about the other conference attendees again, the sounds of them shuffling, crying, or in one nearby case begging for mercy started to filter into his awareness again. "please tell me someone is actually calling the cops, there's only so long i can hold these jerks down, you know."

Grillby heard the telltale bubbly sound of a phone screen being unlocked followed by a few people nearby begging for help. No one needed him tying up the emergency phone lines right now. Besides, he knew that this country had a different emergency number than their own and even though he memorized it before even getting on the plane he could not for the life of him remember what it was at the moment. Instead he crawled to about where Sans was and tried to peek through the chairs.

"Is… is it safe?" A trembling voice asked from further in the room.

"for now, we don't know if there are other shooters in the building so i wouldn't leave this room if i were you. but uh… if someone wants to try taking their guns away and maybe tie them up, that'd be just swell."

Grillby stood up and ungracefully climbed over the seats to get closer to Sans. He was sweating profusely, coat missing, eyes narrowed in concentration, hands shoved fully into his pants pockets. There were three humans near the doors, one looking battered and the other two looking scorched, all three had blue bones sticking out of them. A few other people were carefully inching closer to the shooters, one even reaching for the awful weapons still clutched in the shooter's grasp.

"… Are you okay?" Grillby asked Sans in concern.

"yeah, i'm fine. how're you doing?"

"… I feel kind of sick, actually."

"yeah, you're probably in shock. might want to sit down until the cops and medics arrive."

"… Yeah, okay, sounds like a good idea." Grillby sat down one chair over from the one Sans currently had a foot propped up on. The small monster was a sweaty, dirty mess, his suit more rumpled than ever, but right now he looked like the coolest person on the whole planet to Grillby.


	4. and they were soulmates

You're born with a tattoo somewhere on your body: the first phrase your soulmate says to you.

* * *

Sans stood in front of the mirror hung on the inside of his closet door, near his ankles was an open cardboard box with clothes spilling out of it, and more unopened boxes were stacked haphazardly around his new room. Sans was holding his favorite print shirt, but hadn't put it on yet. As always happened when he saw himself shirtless, he was turned around so he could stare at his bare back. There, on his right scapula, was the beginning of his soul phrase. It was just a series of dots. An ellipses that just kept going, continued onto his humerus, wound onto his ulna, and trailed all the way to his pinkie where the last dot sat squarely on the last digit. The stark black of an inactivated soul phrase stood out against his pale bones. He had turned and followed the dots with his eyes until he was staring down at his hand as he flexed his fingers.

Sans couldn't help but wonder about his soulmate, everyone who hadn't met theirs yet did he supposed. For a while Sans had theorized that his soulmate was mute or otherwise incapable of speech, but that had been disproven in college when he met a couple with a mute monster, her soulmate had a regular phrase etched on her skin: the very first phrase she had signed to the other.

Sans shook himself out of his spiraling thoughts before his more morbid theories could rear their ugly heads. He would meet his soulmate eventually, and he would find out why his was so weird then. Thinking about it too hard now was pointless. He pulled his shirt on, tugged it a little in a vain attempt to pull out some of the wrinkles, then stood back to admire the joke printed against a starry background:

First star I see tonight  
I wish I may, I wish I might  
Oh wait, it's just a satellite

The joke never failed to bring a smile to his face. He quickly swiped at some of the dust on his shorts, then deemed himself presentable enough. He headed downstairs and towards the front door.

"hey bro, i'm heading out."

"OH? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Papyrus called from the kitchen.

"down to the local watering hole, best place to meet a bunch of locals all at once." Sans leaned against the kitchen door frame to watch as Papyrus pulled pots and pans from their box.

"WELL… DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE."

"i won't. what about you?"

"WHAT ABOUT ME?"

"not gonna head out too?"

"I'M QUITE BUSY UNPACKING, WHICH YOU SHOULD STILL BE DOING." Papyrus glared at Sans as if he could force his brother back upstairs and into productivity with his orbits alone.

"i will, later. our stuff isn't going anywhere, not anymore. and there's only so long you have to make a first impression."

"I WILL MAKE A BETTER FIRST IMPRESSION WHEN OUR NEW HOME IS IN A STATE APPROPRIATE FOR INVITING GUESTS OVER."

"well… sure i guess. but if everyone meets me first you won't get to make your own first impression." Papyrus paused in his unpacking and sat back to give Sans an appraising look. Sans grinned to himself, it'd be good for Papyrus to get out and socialize some, maybe make a new friend or two. "anyway, i'll be back in a bit."

"ALRIGHT… HAVE FUN." Papyrus waved cheerfully, but didn't bend back over the box as Sans left.

True to his word, Sans went straight to the only restaurant in town: Grillby's. Every eye was on him as he sauntered up to the bar, pretty typical of a small town like this. Sans shrugged to himself, they'd get used to him. He decided to take a seat at the bar, a few empty seats between him and the other customers. It didn't take long for a brightly glowing fire elemental to approach from behind the bar, the eponymous Grillby perhaps? Either way, may as well start as he was going to end up eventually.

"gimme the usual," he said with a wink.

The fire elemental flared and stiffened, his hands no longer absently rubbing at the glass in his grip. A long moment passed, then another. Sans felt the heat in the place crawl up his arm.

"Grillby says he doesn't know what your usual is," a red bird sitting a couple seats over offered helpfully. So he was the owner after all. Or had the same name at least, could be a family name for all Sans knew.

"yeah, that's the joke," Sans offered jovially. The restaurant was strangely quiet, the sound of fire sparking and crackling was unnaturally loud. "eh, just gimme some fries then."

Grillby nodded, but didn't move. He stared at Sans while standing stock still, the flames rising from his head the only movement. With the way the rest of the customers were staring at him Sans was pretty sure it was the only movement in the entire restaurant.

"Hey Grillby, while you're back there could you get me a burger too?" The bird asked as they waved a wing at the fire elemental. The bird's request seemed to shock Grillby into motion, with another nod he disappeared through a door into the back.

Sans swiveled on his stool so he was facing the bird and rested his head on his propped up hand. "so, he the owner?"

"Yeah, that's Grillby. I'm Scarlet, by the way."

"sans, sans t. skeleton. i'm new in town."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Scarlet said with a snicker. "Where you from?"

"new home." There was a scoff from behind Sans, but he chose to ignore it.

"What brings you all the way out here?"

"got the coolest bro in the whole underground, so i decided we had to move someplace just as cool as he is." Sans winked at Scarlet as he said the pun. Whatever Scarlet was going to respond with was cut short as Grillby came back out carrying a pair of plates. He placed the burger in front of Scarlet, then moved down to put a plate of steaming steak cut fries in front of Sans. "thanks." He dug right in, enjoying how crisp and soft the fries were while still fresh from the fryer. He looked up to find Grillby standing still, staring at him again. "got any ketchup?"

Grillby started, then quickly reached under the bar and pulled a bottle of ketchup out. He placed it next to Sans's plate, with a murmured thanks Sans drizzled some over the top of his fries before happily going back to eating. He chatted idly with Scarlet for a bit. The monster next to her, a fish named Fischer, started talking too as they both asked him about where in New Home he came from, what he did for a living, what his brother was like, etc…

Eventually Sans ran out of fries and his new friends, along with half the clientele, had called it a night and left. Sans dropped enough gold to cover his meal on the counter and waved to the few customers still sticking around as he left. It wasn't until he was half way home that he realized he hadn't heard a single word from Grillby, weird but not unheard of. Some monsters just weren't very talkative, most didn't open restaurants but he supposed there wasn't much else for a fire elemental to do way out here but cook.

"hey papyrus, i'm home," Sans called as he closed the door behind him.

"MAKE SURE YOU WIPE YOUR FEET OFF BEFORE TRACKING SNOW AND MUD ALL OVER THE HOUSE," Papyrus called back.

Sans just toed his shoes off before walking over to the kitchen doorway. Papyrus was in there, unpacking the same box of pots and pans he had been working on when Sans left. He smiled, Papyrus must have gone out to make a good first impression before Sans beat him to it. "so, how goes the unpacking?"

"NEATLY AND IN AN ORGANIZED MANNER!" Papyrus replied cheerfully before something caught his attention. "SANS, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HANDS?"

"huh?" Sans looked down as he held his hands out in front of him, a few smears of red along with crumbs and grease were smattered of his phalanges and gathered in his joints. "oh, it's just ketchup and fry bits."

"UGH! THAT'S SO DISGUSTING! WHY CAN'T YOU GET A LITTLE CUP OF KETCHUP ON THE SIDE AND DIP YOUR FRIES LIKE A CIVILIZED PERSON? NO WAIT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST EAT SOMETHING THAT'S NOT LITERALLY DUNKED IN GREASE TO COOK IT?"

"s'good," Sans replied with a shrug.

"WELL GO WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU TOUCH ANYTHING. THIS IS OUR BRAND NEW HOUSE AND I DON'T WANT YOU STAINING IT."

"someone lived here before us, bro."

"IT'S NEW TO US!" Papyrus insisted as he took Sans by the shoulders and steered him to the kitchen sink.

Rather than resist, Sans obligingly turned on the water and lathered up with the soap Papyrus handed him. It was dish soap, but that would probably cut through the fry grease better than hand soap anyway. Halfway through he noticed something odd, his soul phrase looked different. Sans froze, then slowly turned his hand so he could get a better look at his pinkie. The dots were glowing faintly, a gentle orange color. He quickly twisted his arm and held it up, heedless of the soapy water running down his arm and dripping off his elbow as he stared at the dots that trailed orangely up his arm.

"SANS! LOOK AT THE MESS YOU MADE ON THE FLOOR!"

"he's my soulmate," Sans murmured in shock.

"YOU MET YOUR SOULMATE?!" Papyrus gasped and squealed in delight as he put his hands over his teeth.

Sans turned and ran for the door, not bothering to stop and put his shoes back on as he wrenched open the door and ran out into the snow. He ran all the way to Grillby's, where he burst through the door and rand up to the bar where said fire elemental was industriously polishing a pitcher. Sans didn't even notice the bunny sitting in a booth or the two dogs nuzzling noses at one of the tables as he climbed hastily onto the stool he had been sitting on earlier. He gripped the bar as he pulled himself up, kneeling on the stool to give himself better leverage as he leaned forward. Grillby gently put the pitcher away and gave his full attention to Sans.

"i think we're soulmates," Sans blurted out as he held up his arm for Grillby to see.

Grillby nodded and absently touched his left bicep, his face cracked into a brightly glowing smile. "… I always wondered what kind of person asks for 'the usual' to a person they've never met before."

"i always wondered what kind of person says nothing," Sans said with a laugh that sounded caught between relief and panic. "i thought it meant you would never say anything to me ever, and don't get me started on the reasons i came up with."

"… I won't." Grillby placed his elbows on the bar and leaned forward so their faces nearly touched. "… I'm very glad to finally meet you."

"heh, same." Sans paused, then his eyes sparkled as he leaned comfortably on the bar. "i sure lucked out though, my soulmate is super hot."

Grillby made a sound like a campfire crackling, Sans thought it might be laughter. He hoped so, he hoped to hear more of it. "… It seems my luck is not so great, I feel I got the _short_ end of the stick."

Sans wheezed with delight. Damn, he really was lucky!


	5. It's a Two-fer!

Neither prompt was long enough to be a chapter on its own, so you get two shorter ones.

* * *

 **Prompt 1** : Based on a tumblr post, while crossing the road Person A tripped and Person B managed to catch them... in a French dip.

Grillby hummed absently to himself as he crossed the road, enjoying the brightly shining sun. Perhaps it was luck that he happened to glance down at the skeleton staring fixedly at his phone as he walked in the opposite direction, or maybe just the proximity, but Grillby was right there when the skeleton stepped on one of his shoelaces and lost his balance. More out of instinct than anything else, Grillby grabbed the skeleton's flailing arm and leaned forward to support the rest of his weight.

For one breathless moment he stared down into the skeleton's eyes, and the skeleton was staring up into his own. Or rather, Grillby was staring down in to the gaping holes in the skeleton's skull and the bright specks of light within seemed to be staring into Grillby's glasses.

"So, when's the wedding, eh?" Asked one of the other monsters crossing the street. Grillby felt his flames grow warmer, and judging by the slight tinge on the skeleton's face he felt pretty similar. Grillby straightened them both up and halfheartedly dusted the skeleton's coat, not that it was dirty but more for something to do.

"the light's about to turn, we should uh… really get going."

"… Oh, of course." Grillby glanced at the flashing 'walk' sign, they really didn't have much time to get out of the road. He walked side by side with the skeleton to the other side.

"uh… weren't you going the other direction?"

"… Was I?" Grillby asked in confusion before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter." He continued walking, unsure why he was staying by the skeleton's side.

"that was a pretty sweet dip, though. nice reflexes."

Grillby blushed hotter, "…. Thank you." Why was he still here? Why didn't he go a different direction or at a different pace or just stop or anything other than keep walking with this stranger he had just French dipped in the middle of the road? "… My name is Grillby."

"sans, sans the skeleton." Sans winked as if he had just told some joke. Grillby just nodded. "and i guess i should thank you for saving me from a nasty faceplant, and probably my phone too. so yeah, thanks."

"… You're quite welcome."

"so if where you're headed isn't important, you wanna go get a coffee or something?"

Grillby smiled, "… That sounds delightful."

* * *

 **Prompt 2:** 'I walked into the public bathroom at a mcdonalds and you're dangling halfway out of an air vent do I even want to know what you were doing' au

Grillby quickly walked towards the bathroom, who knew that human food could go through a monster so quickly? Or so miserably? He'd just stick with monster food from now on, thankyouverymuch. He stopped just inside the door, staring up towards the far ceiling in complete confusion. There was a pair of skeletal legs hanging from the air vent at the top of the wall.

"… What in the world?" Grillby murmured to himself.

"hey, is someone there?" The hanging legs asked.

"… Yes?"

"help a guy out, will ya?"

"… Do I even want to know what you were doing?" Grillby asked as he stepped closer the wall the other monster was hanging out of.

"get me down and i'll answer," came the muffled reply. The monster's legs kicked uselessly for a second before seemingly giving up and going slack again.

"… Please don't start kicking again," Grillby asked as he cautiously approached, "I don't relish getting kicked in the face for trying to help."

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! nice one."

Grillby wasn't sure what he meant by that, so he chose to ignore the comment as he contemplated how best to help the other monster. After a few false starts, he decided the best course of action would be to just grab the other's hips and pull. Gently, of course.

"whoa there, i think i'm being a-salt-ed. mustard you be so handsy?"

Ah. Puns. Now he got it. "… Can you think of a better way to pry you out of there?" Grillby asked.

"good point, you mayo continue."

Grillby did continue. He tugged as gently as possible, the other monster slid out a little. "… You don't seem to be all that stuck." He tugged some more, the monster slid out a bit more.

"it's mostly my arms."

Grillby paused and looked closer. Sure enough, the other monsters arms were at his sides, he was even waving his hands as if to help prove the point. That would make maneuvering very difficult. Grillby went back to slowly tugging on the monster's prominent hips until the balance was shifted and he simply slipped the rest of the way out and landed on the floor.

"… How did you even get up there?" Grillby asked as he took in the other's rather short stature. Grillby wasn't even sure he could reach the vent, and he tended to brush the tops of door frames.

"magic," the other monster replied as he dusted himself off.

"… And you couldn't use magic to get back down?"

"oh wow, you should see your face. how do you do that without any facial features?" Rather than reply, Grillby just stared at the strange little monster he had just pulled from an air vent. "anyway, i'm sans. it's soy nice to meet ya." He held a hand out, which Grillby gingerly shook.

"… Grillby."

"thanks a lot for helping me out, i didn't relish the idea of having to pull out the big guns to get out. it would've left the employees feeling sauerkraut."

"… How did you get stuck up there anyway? Why?!"

"whenever i see one of those vents i always wonder if i can fit in them like in the movies."

"… You mean air ducts?"

"yeah, and now i got my answer: my head fits butter my shoulders are just a little too much."

Grillby couldn't hold back the laughter any longer, everything about this was just too ridiculous. He ended up leaning against the bathroom wall, he didn't want to think about how gross _that_ was, from laughing so hard. If he had any muscles he was sure he'd have pulled something. "… that is the… most… ridiculous… I don't… I can't… just don't understand…" He gasped as he tried to get a full sentence out to properly convey his utter confusion.

Sans was simply grinning up at him, or maybe that was just how his face was. "wow, i don't think i've ever seen someone lose their shit quite this hard. it's kinda amazing, actually. awe inspiring even."

"… You make no sense."

"eh," Sans shrugged, "i try not to. anyway, as thanks let me buy ya something. anything on the menu, my treat." He motioned out towards the restaurant's lobby.

Grillby put a hand to his distressed middle as he remembered why he had come in here in the first place. "… Ugh, not here. I think what I already ate is staging a revolt." Sans snorted. Oh good, that joke was maybe a little subtle but Grillby was glad the other got it.

"sure, sure. i know a nice little bakery down the road, monster food, a bit pricey, but i think you're worth it." Sans winked, Grillby felt his core heat up.

"… That sounds delightful, but if you don't mind I still need to use the facilities…" Grillby trailed off as he looked at the toilet, unsure if he really wanted his new _acquaintance_ in the same room as he used it.

"i getcha, i'll meet you in the lobby then. and thanks again." Sans waved over his shoulder as he sauntered out of the restroom.


	6. Sauntering Dead

You inadvertently saved me from getting chomped by a zombie, which I appreciate, but could you please check to see if I'm actually dead first before looting my body?

Warnings for: generic zombie horror

* * *

It had been three years since the barrier had been broken and Monsterkind freed. They had surfaced to find the world in shambles, humans fighting a losing war against their own dead, the victims of an insidious infection that could not spread to monsters. Fortunately for monsters that meant all they had to worry about was the "zombies' " harmful intent, unfortunately that seemed to be the only intent the infection fueling the walking corpses had, not to mention the lack of a soul meant the usual monster fighting conventions were practically useless. Still, they managed to not just survive, but thrive and build themselves a new life out in the open as well as learn how to handle this new threat.

Today Grillby was strolling down one of many identical streets in the residentials, walking past row after row of cookie cutter houses all with overgrown lawns, broken windows, and doors standing wide open if they were still attached to their hinges at all. There was debris and a few cars in the street he was walking down the middle of, all easily sidestepped.

It was quiet aside from the rustle of wind through trees and the chirping of birds. It was why he had chosen this area, though he was realizing it was so quiet simply because there was nothing left worth scavenging. He had learned long ago that going into an already broken house wasn't worth the time. Sure, he might find a few things the surviving humans deemed worthless but monsters could easily repurpose and recycle, but they were always little things that could be found far more easily in the remnants of businesses even now.

Grillby turned his head, there was a noise coming from a little path that led between two houses. He decided to investigate, carefully stepping through the tall grass growing between the cracks of the concrete path that led to a park just on the other side of the houses. One side was a field full of grass nearly up to his hip, the other was a jungle gym area with only a few weeds growing through the pebbles under it, as well as a few unmoving corpses stretched out under the jungle gym and one moving corpse shambling slowly towards them.

A lone zombie was easy enough, Grillby threw a fireball that caught its rags and began burning brightly. As Grillby walked towards the zombie it flared into a white hot inferno, before he had even gotten to the edge of the playground area the zombie fell over and ceased all movement. Grillby pulled out the baton he had scavenged from a dead police officer and poked at the flaming corpse, when it didn't respond he deemed it destroyed and extinguished the flame. The other corpses all looked to be too decomposed to pose a threat, zombies still needed muscles and ligaments to move even if they didn't need some of their softer flesh the way living humans did. Grillby shuddered at the thought, human bodies were simply disgusting.

Still, he was here so he may as well see if the corpses had anything useful on them. The first one looked as if the zombies had gotten to it while it was still fresh, mostly just bone and gristle with tattered scraps clinging to it here and there.

The next one was more… interesting. It was just bones, bleached white, not even the remnants of flesh like the other corpse, and even stranger its clothes were completely intact. Perhaps it had died early on and had never been found by a zombie or wild animal? Well no matter how that happened there was a back pack leaning against its empty middle, that was promising. Grillby crouched down next to the corpse and started frisking its pockets.

"who, hey there! take a guy out for drinks first."

Grillby jumped up and away from the corpse as it sat up and blinked its gaping eye holes at him. On the second blink, a pair of pinpoint lights came to life inside the holes and looked up at him.

"… Holy shit, I thought you were a human!" Grillby held a hand to his chest where his soul thrummed in startled agitation.

"yeah, well… 'm not." The skeleton monster stood up and dusted himself off before picking up the backpack he had been laying next to.

"… Why in the world were you laying on the ground next to human corpses?"

"got separated from my bro and if you're lost you're supposed to just stay where you are until you're found. so i figured i'd get a nap in, no heartbeat, can go a long time without breathing, and if i'm still i'm not making any sound at all, so i figured there's really not much to get a zombie's attention."

Grillby looked down at the still smoking zombie he had 'killed' earlier.

"i saw that, by the way, nice use of fire magic. much neater than bludgeoning them to death with a bone construct." The skeleton formed a long bone and hefted it over his shoulder before dispelling it.

"… My name's Grillby."

"sans." He held a hand out, which Grillby shook.

"… You said your brother is out here?"

"yeah, papyrus. i'd just call his phone, but he never puts it on silent and i don't want the ringer getting anything's attention."

Grillby nodded, outside of Sky Home (so named by Asgore because they could finally see the sky) phone reception was spotty at best, and a ringer was a dangerously loud beacon to any nearby zombies.

"anyway, i should get off my tailbone and try to find him, he's probably looking for me too."

"… I'll go with you," Grillby offered. Numbers may not always be better, but small numbers were still better than being alone.

"thanks, i appreciate it." Sans started heading to the other side of the street the park was on, towards a two story apartment complex. "so how's your haul?"

Grillby shook his head, "… haven't found much. You?"

"oh i've found a ton," Sans paused, then said with a wink, "a skele _ton_!"

Grillby put a hand over his face to muffle his laughter. Sans turned an excited grin towards him. "… Lucky you, my search has been _bone dry_." It was an awful one, it barely made sense, but it still sent Sans off into a muffled, low chortle.

They had arrived at the apartment complex, Sans took a moment to compose himself and pointed up. "so i can use blue soul magic to lift you up, could you look around and see if you can spot anything interesting from up there?"

Grillby nodded nervously, he'd never had soul magic used on him before. He felt the moment his soul changed color, it suddenly felt heavy. Like it would fall to the ground, like it was being **dragged down** to the ground, like his whole body was being dragged down with it. Then Sans lifted his left hand and Grillby suddenly felt gravity shift, his soul was being dragged up and his body with it. For a brief, terrifying moment he was sailing through the air before gravity shifted again and he was being set gently down on the roof. He took a moment to steady himself and stand straight, his soul still felt heavy but less so than when they had started.

Grillby briefly put a hand to his chest, then looked down at Sans who only shrugged. "figured i'd keep a hold on ya in case you slipped."

Grillby nodded, then walked up to the tallest point on the roof and began scanning the area. It looked like there was movement up a street and around a corner, but it was hard to tell between the houses and the sheer number of trees everywhere. Grillby pointed in the direction he saw the movement, Sans nodded. Then Grillby stepped up to the edge of the roof, he felt himself being gently lifted down. Once his feet were on solid ground again the heaviness in his soul completely dissipated.

"… was something else."

"yeah, first time's a real trip, heh. so, you pointed that way?"

"… Yes, up that street and around the corner." Grillby pointed to the entrance to the cul-de-sac they were currently at the end of.

"lead the way." They both readjusted their backpacks before the pair started walking. "i gotta admit, i don't think i could ever be a zombie. these guys got some _dead_ ication."

The pair snickered to themselves as they walked.

"… They seem full of _de-termination._ "

More quiet snickering.

"but you know, they got a _killer_ sense of humor."

More muffled laughter, the surroundings were still too quiet and the last thing they wanted was to draw attention of anything nearby, save Sans's brother of course.

"… I don't know, I find their sense of humor quite _macabre._ "

"SANS? IS THAT YOU? I HEARD A PUN!"

"hey bro," Sans called as they rounded the corner and found a very tall skeleton wearing light armor. "this is my new friend, grillby. grillby, this is my bro, papyrus."

Grillby waved hello.

"OH! HELLO GRILLBY! IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU!" Papyrus grabbed Grillby's hand and eagerly started shaking it. Very eagerly.

"he's the one who just told a pun."

"OH." Papyrus dropped Grillby's hand like it was made of fire. Grillby grinned to himself, he'd have to tell Sans that one later. "WELL, I SUPPOSE IT CAN'T BE HELPED. STILL, IT'S NICE TO MEET ANOTHER MONSTER OUT HERE. IF WE WANT TO MAKE IT BACK TO SKY HOME BEFORE DARK WE SHOULD HURRY UP AND FINISH SCAVENGING!" Papyrus cheerfully turned and started walking towards the corner onto another street, his long legs making him much faster than his short brother.

Grillby looked up to where the sun was hanging low in the western sky. "… I think it more likely we'll need to bed down for the night."

"nah, don't worry about it. i know a shortcut." Sans winked at Grillby as they trailed behind Papyrus.

If nothing else Grillby's new friends were certainly very interesting. "… speaking of shortcuts, did you ever hear the one about…"


	7. Two Ships Passing in the Night

Two people run into each other in the woods, both dragging bodies they're trying to hide from the other.  
Clearly I adjusted the prompt a little, I think I really like this new direction.

Warning for references to violence.

* * *

Sans idly whistled to himself as he strolled through the quiet, early morning back allies. Too early. He'd rather be at home in bed, but since that was basically the summary of his life it really didn't amount to much. The large, canvas sack he was dragging behind him squirmed and made a muffled noise, Sans kicked it. The sack went still again. Satisfied, Sans started walking again, he neared a corner and nearly walked into another monster rounding it from the other side.

"whoa, watch it!"

"… oh, pardon me," the other monster replied.

Sans stepped back and looked the other up and down, he was a dimly glowing fire elemental in rumpled cloths, his shirtsleeves rolled up and tie pulled down into a loose noose around his neck. All in all he seemed to be having just as bad a night as Sans. "nah, my fault too, you'd think someone who glows in the dark would be easy to avoid."

The elemental gave a short laugh and Sans had to hold back a laugh of his own. A silence stretched between them as they both stood awkwardly and looked around the alleyway. Sans needed to keep going, but as of right now he was pretty sure the fire elemental hadn't seen the sack he was dragging yet and he'd rather keep the number of witnesses as low as possible.

"well… i should get going."

The elemental nodded, "… as should I." Neither one moved, though the elemental did glance briefly behind himself.

Sans took a deep breath, hopefully the other guy wouldn't think anything of it, or would know to mind his own business. He tipped his rather shabby hat and started walking again, dragging his canvas sack behind him.

"… oh, are you headed towards the river?" The elemental asked nervously.

"yeah, what of it?"

"… it's just I was also heading in that direction..." the elemental trailed off and glanced behind himself again. Sans looked this time and realized there was a pair of legs sticking out, likely attached to a body of some kind.

Sans did laugh then, a genuine grin crinkling at the corners of his eyes. "well if that ain't just a coincidence. lola street bridge?"

A Jack-o-lantern grin spread across the elemental's face, "… indeed, perhaps we can go together. I would not mind the company."

"yeah, same." Sans's canvas sack started squirming again, so he kicked it again before adjusting his grip. The two fell into step beside each other, Sans took a moment to glance behind them. The elemental was dragging a body by wrists tied together, a human judging by the hands. There was an old, stained pillow case over its head while the rest of the body was clothed in a dirty, torn up, bloodied suit.

"the name's sans."

"… mine's Grillby," the other replied.

Sans would've offered a hand but didn't want to stop or let go of his burden. "you part of the hotland gang?"

Grillby nodded. "… yes, how'd you guess?"

"you look pretty hot headed, even if so far you've been a pretty chill guy." Sans winked.

Grillby laughed. "… and what about you? No wait, let me guess… you've got a New Home accent."

"that's less of a guess and more of a statement."

"… pedantic too. Work for Asgore?"

"yup, guess that makes us practically neighbors."

"… in a way," Grillby agreed as they turned onto Lola Street. They both quieted down as they carefully scanned their surroundings. As a well used thoroughfare Lola Street was far more open than the back alleyways had been, and there were no buildings along the river's bank. After walking for a bit Grillby continued, "… I'm just glad we are not rivals, that would have made this awkward."

"nah, only if anyone else found out. i think we both would know better than that."

"… true."

The pair seemed to run out of things to talk about then, they trudged onto the bridge in contemplative silence. Sans wasn't much a one for contemplative silences. "so, you do this kind of thing often?"

"… not really." They walked a few steps further, then Grillby sighed. "… I own a bar, usually that's enough. Unfortunately tonight it… wasn't."

"yeah, usually i don't get stuck with the grunt work like this either but uh… you know, pissed off someone one too many times."

"… got a day job?"

"yeah, actually," Sans said with relief, this was a much better subject. "got an act i do: sing a few songs, tell a few jokes, pull out the ol' trombone for a musical interlude here and there. it's usually enough to get a few laughs and take home a few g. hey wait, you said you got a bar? it got a stage? i'll do a show some time, might have to do it a cappella unless you got a band you keep on hand."

Grillby shook his head, "… I have a jukebox."

"eh, s'all good. might be nice to just visit and relax though, bars are usually pretty good for just hanging out."

"… nice for you, I'll still be on the clock."

Sans would have responded, but they had reached the center of the bridge and he wasn't going to drag the stupid sack a step further. He abruptly stopped and dropped the sack, which only gave a defeated grunt in reply. He started untying it, no use throwing out a perfectly good canvas sack when they were sure to need it again some time, like for the next person who decided it was a good idea to snitch on one of their own.

While Sans was doing that, Grillby had also dropped his burden and started pulling a pair of cement blocks from his inventory before setting them on the bridge's railing. Then he hefted the limp body up onto the rail and started tying the blocks to its ankles.

"man, humans are the worst, why can't they just dust and not leave such annoying luggage behind?"

Grillby grunted in reply, Sans took that as agreement. He pulled a few bricks out of his own inventory, just enough to keep the snitch from swimming really, and who would notice a couple bricks on the river bottom in all that silt? Fortunately the snitch was still alive, which meant they still had a soul for him to use gravity magic on, which made it much easier to toss them into the freezing waters below. Sans decided to patiently wait for Grillby to finish, then the pair started walking back across the bridge.

"so uh… i know this 24 hour diner over near butte and main, wanna grab a bite before calling it a night?"

"… sure, I could definitely use a hot meal after the night I've had."

"great, you can treat me." Sans winked up at Grillby, who only laughed in response.


	8. School of Meetcutes

Grillby (single parent) and Sans (older brother turned guardian) meet when they both are late dropping off Fuku Fire and Papyrus respectively at elementary school for their first day.

* * *

Sans grimaced as he looked around the kitchen, they had barely had a chance to start unpacking and were basically living out of boxes.

"SANS! IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" Papyrus hollered as he stood on the chair at the kitchen table.

"right, i'm on it." Sans rushed around the kitchen, which box had the pots and pans again? Which one had their food? Which one had the bowls? There was far too much digging through boxes that weren't in any way organized (this one had a single pan and some plates and a couple glasses but no pots or bowls) and a lot of scrambling to find what he needed (how could he forget a spoon to stir their oatmeal with?!) and bumping into things while scrambling, but Sans managed to get their breakfast together and put in front of Papyrus before his younger brother had a conniption fit.

Papyrus happily shoveled the overly sweet oatmeal into his mouth while Sans distractedly tried to go over what he needed in his head. "you got your school bag all packed up?"

"YUP!"

"and your lunch money?"

"YUP!"

"you remember how to get to school?"

"YES SANS!" Papyrus yelled in exasperation.

"good, good."

"ALL FINISHED!" Papyrus hopped out of his seat and ran over to put his bowl in the sink. He nearly tripped over a chair on the way, Sans was starting to think the kitchen might not be able to fit the table after all. Papyrus then ran out of the kitchen. Oh right, Sans needed to finish his breakfast too. He quickly shoveled the rest into his mouth, barely tasting it as he absorbed it. Then his bowl joined Papyrus's and he ran upstairs to his own room. Where had he put his wallet? His bag? Was it packed? Shoes? Why weren't they in his closet?

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAANS! HURRY UP!"

"found them!" Sans grabbed his shoes and tried to put them on while rushing out his door. That, of course, didn't work. He sat on the stairs and shoved his feet in his shoes before running down them. "okay, you got the key to the new house?"

"YUP!" Papyrus held up a key ring with only the one key on it and several charms, enough to make the ring bulky and easy to find.

"okay, i'll see you after work then." Sans dropped a kiss on top of Papyrus's head before shutting and locking the door.

"BYE SANS, SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL!" Papyrus waved before he hopped off the porch and started marching down the street.

"papyrus, wait, your school is the other way!"

"OF COURSE IT IS! I WAS… JUST TESTING YOU!"

"sure you were." Sans sighed as he finished locking the door, then jogged to catch up with Papyrus, now heading in the right direction. "c'mon, i'll walk with you, to make sure i know where the school is."

"GOOD! THERE'LL BE A TEST LATER, NYEH HEH HEH."

"i thought this was the test," Sans teased.

"NO, THE TEST WILL BE AFTER SCHOOL! WHEN YOU COME TO PICK ME UP!"

"okay, i guess this is the practice run then."

"YUP!"

"but you know i won't get off work for a while after school's over, if you wait for me you'll be waiting for a while."

"THAT'S OKAY, IT'S A NEW SCHOOL! I CAN GO EXPLORING THROUGH IT WHILE I WAIT."

"that sounds like a good idea."

"OF COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA, I CAME UP WITH IT! NYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus spun around to walk backwards as he laughed, but the icy street turn traitor and he slipped.

"whoa, that was some fall. you okay there bro?" Sans offered a hand to Papyrus.

"I'M FINE." Papyrus took the offered hand, then once standing sourly rubbed the seat of his pants.

"how about i take that for the rest of the way." Sans slipped Papyrus's backpack off his shoulders.

"AW SANS, I SAID I'M FINE!"

"i carry this or i carry you, which is it?"

"SAAAAAAANS! I'M NOT A BABYBONES ANYMORE!" Papyrus huffed as he crossed his arms and pouted. Sans just laughed and patted him on the head.

They chatted about their plans for day and discussed what to have for dinner that night as they continued to walk. When the school finally came into view there weren't any other kids outside. "that's weird, are we early?" Sans didn't think that was possible, he checked his watch. "oh wow, we're really late!"

"SANS! YOU WALK TOO SLOW!"

"sorry bro, the ice is too dangerous. we'll just have to start leaving earlier." As they talked another pair of monsters came hurrying up to the school.

"Bye dad!" A young fire elemental waved as they ran the last few feet to the school's door.

"SANS! GIVE ME MY BACKPACK!" Papyrus insistently tugged the backpack Sans was still holding. Sans barely noticed as he looked up at the tall fire elemental dropping his kid off. The fire elemental who was staring right back at him. "SANS!" Papyrus gave one great tug and the backpack came free.

Sans shook himself out of his stupor and called as Papyrus ran through the door, "have a good first day!" Sans waved, but Papyrus was already out of sight. Then he turned his attention back to the fire elemental, who had a hand up near his face. He seemed amused, maybe? It was hard to tell with his lack of facial features.

"… … … first day?" The fire elemental asked, he definitely sounded amused.

"yeah, we just moved to town and my bro had to change schools. commuting all the way to hotland would be too much."

"… … … ah, that makes sense. I had heard we had some new residents."

"i guess news spreads fast in a small place like this. i like it, saves me a lot of trouble. i'm sans, by the way." He held a hand out to the fire elemental.

"… … … Grillby," he replied as he took the hand. The sound of a long, drawn out fart filled the air.

Sans held up his hand to show a small, round, rubber joke prop attached to it. "whoopee cushion in the hand trick, it's always funny."

Grillby held a hand over his mouth as he laughed. Sans grinned widely, Grillby turned such pretty colors when he laughed. Then Grillby calmed down, "… … … I'm sorry to not stay and chat, but I'm running a bit behind."

"yeah," Sans agreed as they started walking away from the school together, "today has been… oh shoot! i'm running behind too." Sans checked the time again, he was going to be late for his new job at this rate. "grillby, right? any relation to the restaurant over by the inn?"

Grillby nodded, "… … … I own it."

"i'll stop by later, it'll be nice to meet some of the other parents."

"… … … I'd like that," Grillby said warmly.

"i would too," Sans said with a dopey smile, which quickly turned sheepish. "you and uh… your partner too, of course." Sans could kick himself. This guy had a kid, of course he had a partner.

"… … … oh, Fuku's other parent… they're… they're not really in the picture… anymore."

Sans felt a small spark of elation at the news, which was quickly smothered by the devastated droop to Grillby's flames. "aw man, i'm sorry to hear that. uh… my condolences? geez, just look at the time i'm already lateigottaruni'llseeyoulater!" Despite the danger of running on icy roads, something Papyrus had already had to deal with, Sans turned and ran as fast as he could.

Grillby waved as Sans ran off even though he obviously couldn't see him. "… … … until later." His flames gave off pleased crackles as he carefully walked the path back to his shop.


	9. Two departments, both alike in dignity

'Romeo and Juliet of the math and english dept. in school' AU

* * *

Sans ambled into the break room and collapsed on one of the couches. He had a free period after this and could afford to take a nap if he wanted to. And boy, did he ever want to. He threw an arm over his eye sockets, there were a few giggles from the other teachers eating their own lunches.

"For someone not in the English department, he sure is a drama queen."

"That's not the only reason he should switch departments," someone else whispered. They probably thought Sans couldn't hear them, or at least that he was too lazy to care. They weren't wrong on that second one.

The pair's renewed giggles more than the room warming up was what let him know someone else had entered. He lifted his arm slightly to see Grillby, head of the English department, had just walked in. He was already poking his head into the fridge.

Sans let his arm flop over, "okay, i got one for you."

Grillby stood up and closed the fridge door, hands still empty. He made a continue motion.

"alright, just give me a sec, this one takes a bit of presentation." Sans grunted and slowly got off the couch, stretching with exaggerated care before looking up at Grillby. "okay, you ready?"

Grillby inclined his head.

He looked very handsome in his warm, brown sweater vest. And today's bowtie was an icy blue that offset it really well. Sans would have to tell him so after he earned his lunch. "i love catcher in the rye, the way he just..." Sans looked off into the distance, hand clenched over his sternum as he filled his voice with enough repressed emotion to make even a college English teacher swoon, "catches all that rye."

Grillby burst into a short bout of laughter that ended with a snort and his hand over his mouth.

"ey, made you laugh!" Sans added in a pair of finger guns and a wink.

"… I've heard that one before."

"doesn't matter, i made you laugh."

Grillby rolled his eyes. Maybe. It was hard to tell between the way his glasses always had a glint on them and how little expression fire elementals had in general. But he went back to the fridge and pulled out two bagged lunches, one of which he handed over to Sans.

"what? not gonna warm it up for me?"

"… No."

"aw, grillby, you're breaking my heart!"

"… I'm fairly certain you don't have one."

"my soul then. my feelings? come on, throw me a bone here."

"… I've heard that one before too, from you no less."

"grillby, please, i'm begging you here."

"… Tell me one I haven't heard before and I'll consider it." Grillby sat down and pulled his lunch out of its bag, glasses trained firmly on Sans as he heated it up. Sans shrugged and pulled his own cold lunch out before digging in.

There were more giggles from their audience. Well, Sans had already put on a show for them, may as well go whole hog. "tell me if you've heard this one before, your outfit looks really nice today."

"… I have, but thank you nonetheless."

There were coos and awws from the peanut gallery. Sans had to admit, he did have fun hamming it up. He'd have to use that one next time Grillby decided to be cheeky and pack him a ham sandwich and chips.

"… You almost look presentable."

"thanks, that's real _decent_ of you to say."

Lunch devolved into silence after that, Sans savoring his food even though it was cold, Grillby savoring his own hot lunch, the other two teachers idly chatting while they finished off their own food. Eventually the audience got up and left, likely to grade tests or prep their lesson plans before their lunch hour was up. Grillby balled up the remains of his own lunch and chucked them into the garbage. Then, to Sans's surprise, he walked over and put a hand on Sans's shoulder.

"… Do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"uh…" For some reason Sans's mind went completely blank. He couldn't even remember what a weekend was, let alone what he was doing for it.

"… Because the drive in theater is having a classics night and there's one playing I think you would enjoy."

"uuuuuuhhh… … …" Holy cow! Did what he thinks is happening actually happen?

The hand on his shoulder slipped off. "… If not, that is fine."

"nope! no plans. uh… free as a bird this weekend. a movie sounds great!"

"… Wonderful, I'll pick up Saturday evening?"

"sure, sounds good. should we meet somewhere or do you need my address or…?" Sans patted his pockets as if he could magically pull out exactly what he needed instead of the old receipts and various condiment packages that were usually in there.

"… How about we just exchange numbers now and figure the rest out later."

"yeah, yeah that sounds great."

"… Great."

Sans fumbled to pull out his phone, then they were mumbling their numbers to each other and furiously typing them in.

"okay, so yeah. send me the details and i'll send you my address and uh… i'll see you this weekend?"

"… Great. This is… this is great. Wonderful. Nice. I'll see you then." Grillby gave a little wave, then turned and abruptly left the room.

Sans collapsed back on the couch. He covered his face and groaned into it. Thank goodness he had the next period off, he was sure it would take that long for his blush to fade.


End file.
